I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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