census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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