i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
