remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
