how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
