You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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