Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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