i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
