Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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