My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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