He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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