My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
