tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
