I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
