I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
