Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
