If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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