Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
