i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
