Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
