Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i think i just lost a toe
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
