Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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