I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
