I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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