I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
