if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
