So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
