theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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