Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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