I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
