DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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