Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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