Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
