birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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