I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
