Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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