You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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