your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
