I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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