i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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