in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
