last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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