im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
