I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
