Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
