My hand turned me down
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
