ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
