guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
