I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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