wrigley field is MILF paradise
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
