sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I want to be your penis for a week.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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