if i can run in heels then i can drive
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Randomize
