A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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