apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
