o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
